Growing up, I made several promises to myself, one of which was about maintaining sexual purity. I vowed to save myself for marriage, no matter how strong the temptation might be. I made this commitment when I was in JHS 2. Even as a child, I knew this was important to me.
In high school, I excelled as an athlete, gaining a lot of attention for my skills. Everyone in the school knew who I was. With that fame came many admirers, mostly girls. They might have been attracted to the excitement or genuinely wanted to be my friends. Regardless of their intentions, I treated them just like my male friends, without giving any special attention.
The truth is, even if they showed clear signs of liking me, I wouldn’t have noticed. My focus wasn’t on romance or sexual relationships, so I missed those cues.
After we graduated high school, I ran into a few of those girls. I was thrilled to see them again and was very enthusiastic in my approach, but it was all in a platonic way. Strangely, they didn’t seem to share the same nostalgic feelings I had; they appeared cold and distant.
I directly asked some of them why they were acting that way, but they didn’t provide an answer. Eventually, I realized it was because they had feelings for me that I didn’t return. Back then, I was too naïve to recognize it.
When she arrived, we were alone in my room. She made advances toward me, but I held back. It wasn’t that she wasn’t beautiful; she had all the curves and femininity of a woman. We were friends, and I liked her. I was certain that if I wanted to be intimate with her, it wouldn’t have been an issue. However, I chose not to, as it went against everything I believe in.
A few years after that incident, I ran into her in town. She was holding a child by the hand. We had a brief chat and then went our separate ways.
One day, as I was sitting there, a realization struck me: ‘Wait, how old is Maabena’s child?’ I asked myself. The question was rhetorical; she had mentioned the child’s age when we met, so I already knew. All I needed to do was some quick calculations. And guess what I concluded? It matched up with the time she came to visit me.
“To confirm my suspicion, I called her. ‘Were you already pregnant when you visited me on campus back then?’ She paused for a moment, likely calculating, before replying, ‘Oh yes, I was. I had just found out I was pregnant.’ All I could think was, ‘Wow!’
Was she trying to trap me? I didn’t have the courage to ask. All I know is that if I had gone ahead and been intimate with her, we might be discussing the paternity of that child now. This was someone I was interested in, so it could have easily happened. The only thing that saved me was the promise I had made to myself.
“This brings me to the question: ‘Why do some women act as if men have done something wrong when we don’t return their affection?’ This issue weighs on me because I genuinely valued the connection and friendship I had with these women. I hoped we would remain close friends for life, but they didn’t feel the same.
I also sometimes feel that some women can be impatient in relationships. I liked another one of these ladies, but I wasn’t ready to start anything yet. I was trusting the process, but she decided to cut me off.
Not long ago, I ran into her while I was with my fiancée. I introduced my lady to her and mentioned our upcoming wedding. She jokingly said, ‘Congratulations, but I will cry on your wedding day.’ If she had been a little more patient, maybe it could have been her.
“I’m sharing my story because I feel the world has become overly sexualized. It seems like everyone is engaging in it, which can make you feel like you’re doing something wrong if you’re not. Why is it considered strange that I’m almost thirty and still a virgin? People often don’t believe me when I say I’ve never been intimate with a woman.
There are only two people in my life who don’t doubt me. Regardless, I want to encourage anyone who has chosen to remain celibate until marriage: don’t give up. There are others like us out there.
